16 May 2016

the cherry tree

i feel better when i’m thinking of words.

i feel better when i don’t social media.

i feel better in front of the fire pit as long as the smoke is blowing away from me.



The cherry tree didn’t blossom for the first time in the ten years we’ve been living here.  Usually there is one weekend where the flowers rain down in a perpetual delicate sprinkle.  Cars drive by and they woosh to the sides, caught in the lip of the sidewalk.  Then small children walking by or new lovers coming home can scoop up giant handfuls of blooms and throw them over one another.  The flowers are so light yet so dense, it’s like being in a sweet-smelling warm flurry of magical romance.  It at once carries you away.

03 May 2016

the end of me

I need to talk about the salary
what will that mean and
look like
how much do i push
can you take me fucking seriously
did you say that seriously?
was that just to appease me?
what the fuck?
going along the road,
managing and 4 wheeling
and hitting the potholes 
and the ice heaves and then bam!
the engine falls out!  scrapes
the bottom of the vehicle
bursts into flames 
and 
explodes!


and i am FINISHED.

27 April 2016

finding my way

i felt myself falling
and didn't try to stop
down the ten steps
to the cement floor below
i knew it would have been worse
if i tried to stop
so i went with it
followed through
went with the energy
like i learned in aikido years ago
and i didn’t really hurt 
anything
really
i scraped my arm and
neck
hit my head
but i was ok
and stood up
and i stood up at work
the next day 
for myself
without a doubt in my soul
over a battle i’ve fought for years
and my boss 
without hesitation
changed things for my better

in a snap.

26 April 2016

the orange crocus.

The orange crocus sat in the sun at the end of winter in southern Maine.  It had come to bud early with the mild days and two thirds less snow than the previous year.  The crocus was small, just an inch and a half high, but it was magnificent.  Flame orange bulb with flecks of pure yellow punctuated by two lime green cradle leaves.  New growth.  New.  Growth.  And then a nor’easter blew in 7” of snow and the temperature dipped to 27 degrees.  The crocus died.  Two days later the mercury rose back to 55 and all the snow was gone again and the flower had flattened with it’s leaves out.  Like it was getting ready to raise it’s arms in hallelujah but got run over instead.  


Coming out of winter that year was like that.  Like singing hallelujah in a beautiful church and having a bomb dropped on you.  There was no escaping the decimation and the brutality of it if you were there to live through it.  It changed you.  Moved your insides around.

24 April 2016

punch out early.

i pick up my daughter at a great painter’s house
her house barely contains her
art joying from the walls chairs lamps everywhere she is
tall slender with no effort clean bright
her work enormous to capture the light, her daughter
i am aware of the time the painter is not at a job
the painter is a painter
not punching a time clock and collecting a weekly paycheck
i am asked no questions
my daughter and i leave
i am not a painter

the audacity.

20 April 2016

composed during lunch

sour cream & onion
sour cream & onion
sour cream & onion
potato chips!

14 March 2015

doc.

doc passes away this year.  
he was my camp neighbor, friend and let me tag along on any of his PMO's (peter mason ordeals).  I loved him.  I am now 47.
during a guided meditation i did in my 20's , of which I was highly (EXTREMELY) skeptical of, we had to close our eyes and the speaker said to imagine a place of great calm.  I imagined the beach.  she then said, "you will now see a holy person, someone who you look up to." i am guffawing this whole process. what a crock!  but i follow & imagine I see an old man in long robes w gray hair walking the beach.  but he turns around and he is actually doc in his jeans and green flannel shirt.  ( now I am blown away....this could possibly be "working"????) The speaker say s that this person will give me a piece of cloth, something I can have to feel safe.  something special, a silk or beautiful cloth to wrap myself in.  the amazing, amazing thing is doc turns to me and hands me a life preserver.
woh, man.
now i'm a believer.

12 February 2015

spiraling out

 project to work on on a very snowy day....le braided rug....(cuzamano supervising).
 mid-day.  kid and cat each apt to pounce on me whenever they want.  slight craziness/cabin fever/repetitive motion daze...
late afternoon.  7 hours of hand stitching.  left thumb looks like its been used as pin cushion.  doesn't look like i've gotten any further!?!?**? 

29 January 2015

mike :)



he is so cute in real life, the painting, eh......keep working.

26 January 2015

bucket list....take encaustic class at MeCA

i have wanted to do encaustic for years, possibly decades.  when it was offered recently downtown, everything slid into place....amelie would be with her dad, it was a saturday/sunday class and my work said they would pay for half.  yes!


this is Kim Bernard who was our teacher.  she removed any difficulty from learning and was totally chill.  please check out her work too!

the studio was on the top floor of the porteous building.  this looks empty, I know, I barely took any pics when class was going on, but scrambled some in at the end of sunday. 

we did painting w wax and transfers with copies and em wedding things into the surface.  working 9-5/with others in a class was really a great way to focus and clear crap out ta my head.  plus I had all these things I produced!

this one above of the girl with the hair knobs on her head is amelie, my muse.  :)

12 October 2014

51 tyng street, portland

this white house was the home of my first apartment in portland in 1990.  (just writing that date out feels ancient. ). i only live a couple blocks from there now & i was out looking for scenes to paint....& it came together nicely.....there was an empty lot across the street to set up, barely anyone around & it was amazing weather.
but my god this was frustrating.  it was challenging to make the house small enough on the board to be able to see the surroundings.  and proportion.... ho-lee!  colors, brushes, speed, agility...

oh my, this learning to paint is going to take lots and lots and lots of practice.